THEFT KIT
Make your life easier! With this new and amazing product, you’ll be free from hassles should you be approached by a wrongdoer when you are in your cozy and warm car. Instead of listening to that endless list of demands made by the perpetrator, you can just hand him the Theft Kit after he gently taps on your car window with his UZI Rifle! The thief will be happily surprised and you may go on calmly filing your finger nails. The Theft Kit is a briefcase containing a bit of everything that the damned thief wants. It comes in three versions: Gold, De Luxe and Bare, with different choices of objects and designer-labeled objects. The cheapest model costs a bit less than a second-hand Maseratti.

ADJUSTABLE-HEIGHT WALL
To develop this uniquely smart (modesty aside) product, we were inspired by the oscillations of the stock market. The violence market of the city also undergoes variations, which may be weekly, daily, or even hourly. Therefore, it would be only natural that the height of the walls around our mansions should also change according to the violence rates recorded every hour by a small meter – which is also being developed by our company. And here’s what’s best: the wall comes at no cost! We only charge for the remote control, which is not that expensive: it costs much less than a second-hand Maseratti.

SPIKED FENCE
No more spears! They might have been useful in the Battle of Valverde, in 1385, but times have changed… and for the better! Exchange your outdated spiked iron fences for an ultra modern set of cutting-edge pistols! The spears can spike the perpetrator only when he is already on the top of your fence whereas with the new system the wrongdoer may be deadly hit right on the sidewalk. No mess in your home! Before he can even figure out how to climb your fence he will have fallen dead right then and there, and will only disrupt the pedestrian traffic, as goes the song by Chico Buarque.

DECORATED BARBED WIRE
The public always longs for novelties! And therefore companies have to be on the lookout for new trends and launch new products. As we are highly responsive to market needs, we decided to introduce a new line of decorated barbed wire. Following three years of thorough market research, we concluded that we should develop a women’s line, a kids’ line and a gay line. You order your wire by length and here’s what’s best: it’s free! Just figure, it’s all at no cost! You just pay a small installation fee, but the fee costs less than a second-hand Maseratti.