AERO-HOME
Inspired by the most modern airports in the world, this residential edifice offers its dwellers an absolutely unique security system.
When you get to the condominium, park your car near the private departure gate, unbuckle your seat belt, and walk through a tunnel. It provides direct access to your apartment.
Through this procedure, you avoid any contact with the outer world, thus fouling any attempt at mugging, kidnapping, rape, and, in particular, car jockeys. It is recommended that the inhabitants arrive three hours early in order to go through the general body and package check procedure. It’s safer that way.
Among other features, the Aero-Home hás a pizza-pass-thru hatch in each apartment, bullet-proof Windows, and a closed circuit television system, which hás twenty varied program channels in black and White that always show halls, elevators, vestibules, and other common-use áreas of the building.
In addition to the four cinematographically glamorous suítes, this apartment offers the exclusive “VIP LOUNGE” concept so that you may receive your transient visitors in comfort.
Aero-Home dwellers communicate with each other only by interphones scattered throughout the building.
The gateman is electronic.

ARMORED BATEAUX-MOUCHES
The Armored Bateaux-Mouches are an excellent recreational option at Happyland. They have everything you might desire on a Sunday outing: safety, safety and safety.
You go in and sit down (due to security problems, you shoul get there three hour ahead of time). Obviously, out of fear you dare not talk with anyone, since the person next to you might very well be a terrorist.
The boat shakes a lot. It feels a bit like driving our cars over our well-paved streets. So, if you do get motion sickness, you’re just putting on.
Another advantage is that you can’t see anything out the window. It is sine qua non that the lighting be a bright yellow like that in Paris. That city’s powerful reflectors would be installed on the Bateaux-Mouches themselves, lighting up the most beautiful of cities. However, in our case, since the very opposite is being dealt with, the lighting will be installed on the banks to throw their light on our delicate little armored boats.
It’s like a Disneyworld attraction, just transported into real life. It’s very exciting.
The trip takes five minutes.

LE HAMEAU DE LA REINE CONDOMINIUM
It’s the chic of the chic. It’s the most sophisticated and luxurious residential condo in Happyland. It sits high up in the city, the so-called “Hill”, which has a panoramic view. The houses’ façades are look-alikes of the Rocinha favela.But that’s justthe façade. Opening the door made of wooden boards, you enter the halls, sumptuously lined with extremely expensive Greek marble, and gradually move on to the haughty palace kitchen guard. This condominium is the privilege of the very, very rich. It was drawn up with the intention of not exhibiting one sign of wealth. They say that it is necessary to arrive three hour ahead of time to get in, due to the strict security system. It’s safer.
The entrance hall of each house is, in truth, its garage. You have to go through it to get into the house. Since, for security reasons, the owners only use taxis to get about, this is the only way they have to show their guests how many and which luxury cars they have acquired.
There are chic shops galore nearby. But all look alike. The restaurants, for example: you go into a dirty, odorous corner luncheonette with the paunchy owner behind the counter. But when you open one of the doors of the bar, you are in the Brazilian branch of France’s Tour D’Argent. There are also a large number of dry-cleaners around the launder all that white collar money. They say that the next edition of Casa Cor covers this. Can you imagine that?
If Marie-Antoinette lived in happyland, Le Hameau De La Reine would certainly be her refuge.

SHOPPING CENTER
Can you possibly think of anything better to do?
Relish the countless delights that this temple of consumption prepared for you.
You find everything here: what is on exhibit at the Car Bomb Hall be for sale here. Here are dozens of clothing stores selling army clothes, burkas, bulletproof vests, bomb belts, etc. There are CD shops that sell everything from the Beatles’ “Revolver” to the last recording of “Guns and Roses”, then go on to the Spanish hit “Granada”, plus shops specialized in electronic products for spying.
In the area of toys, there are new launches like the “Big Brother” game that twelve people can play. It’s a good exercise in confinement: the winner is the last one still playing. Or try War. There are large bookstores that sell from Dostoyevsky’s “Crime and Punishment” to illustrated children’s books like “Where Is Obama Bin Laden”, in which you have to pick him out amongst a multitude of people.
Then there are the Irmãos Metralha (The Beagle Boys) comic strips. There is an enormous candy shop, with every imaginable type of candy. And there is a group of latest generation movie theaters, running filma that span from Tarantino films to Altman’s “[Murder in] Gosford Park”.
And the food court? It makes you drool. It has everything from restaurants specialized in pistol-shrimp (prawns) to the ultra-medern Japanese restaurant Hiroshima. At the moment, one of the biggest successes in the mall is the shop called Uzi e Abuzi that only sells Israeli rifles. To get into the shop, there are three-hour-long body search lines. It’s safer.
Don’t forget to take your son every week to train the sharp-shooting stand or the Russian roulette stand, or even to play Counter Strike. But your outing will never be complete if you don’t drop in at the dog shop, with all those cute, cuddly little things in the window. Don’t get upset if your child chooses an Afghan Hound to take home . After all, don’t forget that your child is an espoleta, a real live wire.